VOICE TESTING THIS BASTARD

[orderbeforepeace]

 
OPEN to texts, memes, weird AU shit. Just throw it this way

Comments

TEXTS YOU SAY?

[fameorfolly]

Vodka and eggs at 9:30am = thank you, America.

[orderbeforepeace]

Vodka is a Russian innovation Father

[fameorfolly]

Is it? I've never had reason to go to Russia.

Either way where else can you get vodka with your breakfast?

[orderbeforepeace]

I do not think they would have you.

At your house, I should assume.

TEXT HUH?

[stayyourblade]

How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text?

[orderbeforepeace]

Connor, I must ask this question.

Why on earth would you not go to one of your friends for such advice?

[stayyourblade]

Because, unfortunately, you are good with words, Father.

Entirely out of group psl continuity

[exactlylikefather]

I honestly thought I would have more to say upon “meeting” Connor’s father, but alas; so, hello, I am the woman sleeping with your son, it’s nice to meet you.

Guess which one’s the lie.

[orderbeforepeace]

I had honestly never expected to find I had a son, so imagine my surprise when said son has found himself a young lady.

I will pretend that your message was a cordial one, for I bear Connor no ill-feeling, nor you.

Perhaps we should start again.

[proteusmoon]

I apologize for disturbing you so late in the evening, Mr. Kenway, but... I think you should come collect your family members now. Your father keeps telling people quite loudly, “I’m not Irish! I’m Welsh and pissed, with a little bit of drunk mixed in, therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.”

He seems to be rather serious about that as well, given the state of his knuckles.

[orderbeforepeace]

Young lady, as much as I know your intentions are good, I have as much control over the tides as I do over my father. If you would like him to stop acting like a complete buffoon, my suggestion is to ask my son to intercede on your behalf.

Failing that, give him more drink until he passes out.

[proteusmoon]

I would normally enlist Connor's help, yes, as he is quite capable of handling him, however, your son is not much better off himself at the moment...

Your father has a way of being, er, rather influential and persuasive, I would say.

In any case... are you certain that is what you want? He is your father, after all, and whatever disagreements you have in beliefs and values -- not to mention lifestyles -- he loves you. I am certain he would listen to you better than you think.

Excuse me sir have you seen my father?

[stayyourblade]

[Haytham is going to receive a couple of screenshots of this particular conversation. Please, share in his suffering Dad.]

Your father is obnoxious.

[orderbeforepeace]

I believe it is a family trait along wit stubbornness and a predilection for trouble.

I am sorry he is trying to encourage your flirtation with servants. It really is not acceptable.

[stayyourblade]

How do I make him stop? He does not seem to understand that this is not how I wish to court a woman.

Buckle up kids because it's random AU time...IN SPACE

[elderfrye]

Normally, if somebody from the Brotherhood Transport Company was up to something dangerous and stupid, it was... well, there were any number of people to choose from, but the important point was that it was almost never Evie Frye.
The company, of course, was known in certain circles more for their smuggling, rabble rousing and assassination jobs against the agents of the Empire, but as long as all their credentials checked out and none of them were ever caught, the Empire would never be able to pin anything on them and everything would be fine.
The fact that a close relative of two of the Brotherhood's most skilled members was, in fact, an agent of the Empire's most elite police unit was a bone of contention for people on both sides of the fence - and every one of those people would be perturbed to know it was none other than this very relative that Evie was on her way to meet.

The sun was setting over the spaceport as Evie's craft landed, leaving her with a few hours before she was due to take off again with her next shipment - a few hours the others no doubt expected her to use researching or reading or one of her other more academic hobbies, but instead she was slipping into a somewhat seedy tavern and taking a seat in the back corner, waiting for one Haytham Kenway to arrive.

[orderbeforepeace]

Haytham's familial connections with the Brotherhood had been a constant source of embarrassment. It was true, at times it was useful. There were times when information could be gleaned and exchanged, when having a point of contact within the Brotherhood worked in his favour. But for the most part, it was not the case. But he had long ago made his peace with the fact that while he was dedicated to the safety of the Empire, it's continued prosperity, there were those to whom he was related that would think nothing of bringing the stability of billions crashing down.

At least, for the most part, it is not Evelyn. She was not headstrong or stupid, she would not risk the lives and stability of so many, unlike her fellows.

Haytham was already waiting. The arrival of the various craft had been reported to him over the day, and there were only so many interplanetary vehicles that could be piloted by one person. When a likely one had landed at dusk he knew it would be her. He waited until she seemed settled in her shadowy corner, and then silently stood to join her. It was rare he did not wear the uniform of the Order, but it a place such as this her kind would be more welcome than his. As such, he'd opted for more neutral, dark garments.

"You had an uneventful journey, I hope." He said. There were agreed words, phrases. This might have been the first time they had met in several years, but they had corresponded. This was code, in order to establish that no one was eavesdropping, that no one had followed her.

[elderfrye]

Somebody less prepared might be startled when the nondescript figure suddenly slid into the chair opposite them, but Evie was certainly not as relaxed as she appeared - she had scanned every person in the bar from the moment she walked in, and already spotted Haytham as she passed him, but there was a ritual to these proceedings and it wouldn't do to disrupt things.

She nodded politely at his enquiry, the agreed upon response forming almost automatically upon her lips. "As uneventful as can be, I hope business this week has been good for you?"

The opposite of the truth, technically, but they didn't say these things because they meant them.

Choose your poison?

[fameorfolly]

1. We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.

2. You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.

3. (misfire) I will never use my dick in anger, with great dick comes great responsibility.

4. (misfire 2) It was a good dick. I'll give credit where credit is due, a good dick deserves praise.

1

[orderbeforepeace]

May I ask why on earth you need my advice in this context? Do I want to know the answer?

[fameorfolly]

Well, I don't know, do you? You're going to have to make up your mind connor

I mean haytham

[I'm not drunk, your drunk.]

3

[orderbeforepeace]

Father.

Please never text me again

[fameorfolly]

Dammit Jacob.

Look, be glad I didn't send you a dick pic or something. It could have been worse.

Father's Day Because It's What Ziio Would Have Wanted

[stayyourblade]

It's a little strange, celebrating such a holiday. Even if it had existed during his time, there would have been little to actually commemorate. Perhaps he would have given a card or small gift to Achilles, wordlessly leaving it by his bedside and never speaking another word about it.

But things were far different now - both his father and his grandfather were suddenly, mysteriously, alive and well in this world they had found themselves in. Where only months before he never even would have considered giving Haytham a gift to celebrate his fatherhood, now he felt it only right.

So on this day, he has invited Haytham to visit him at the homestead, where he had prepared a small breakfast for them to share, as well as a rather large, flat gift, wrapped in dark blue waiting in one of the chairs located in the study.

"Thank you for coming, father. I am thankful that I am able to spend this day with you."

[orderbeforepeace]

Haytham is, quite truthfully, very surprised at the invitation. Not suspicious, because Co- Ratonhnhake:ton is not that sort. He can be sneaky, of course he can be, just like his mother. It's surprising how much of her he sees in the boy, how much of it hurts. But it's best to keep a lid on those things, to put it aside as best he can. He's not a good father, he knows that, and he doesn't know why his son is trying to pretend he is.

Maybe things can be different. Perhaps they can begin to fix things, like he is attempting with his own father.

"Thank you, Ratonhnhake:ton. It's incredibly kind of you." He says, and that is the truth. Haytham doesn't have a place he actively calls his own, he stays at inns or with associates. His own home is in London, but it's been a long time since he was there last. "I have to admit, I wasn't expecting it."